Shirdi Sai have been a constant reminder for me to be a human.Its like I become “someone else” when I skip doing good.

From last two Thursdays , I have been facing a same situation .Whoever said this ..must have experienced it deeply ..

“Universe offers you the same lesson again and again but if it doesn’t gets your attention ..the experience gets harsher.”

It’s like someone is calling you to wake up ..initially they call you with love ..like my mom used to do to wake me up ..”Sangeeta ..beta uth ja” (Sangeeta ..child wake up!)

And then her tone gets harsher ..the more I ignore ..the more gentleness it looses.. hehe until it becomes “You never listen to me ..Am I made to do this only.I do all the household work and then I have to deal with kids like you who act like animals ..worse than the animals.” 🤭

From last two Thursdays I was approached by street children who asked for money intially but then changed their words to “Didi Kuch khila do ..pese nhi dene to.” I tell you the truth , I wanted to offer them food ..so desperately but I did not had any money on my hand and I could not ask for money from my copg who was with me there.Sometimes , I look at myself ..”how merciless I am”.I saw tears in that boy’s eyes..when he saw me eating so many dishes ..joyously and not even cared to offer a bite to him.

I really don’t know why I did not do what I always do.It’s so devastating to even think about that incident ..can I be such a person ..yes I can be.

Maybe, Sai wants to show “don’t judge those who don’t do such deeds ..they have their reasons.”

Maybe Baba wants to show me “Everything happens according to his wish .. I can’t help someone if he doesn’t want me to.. it will diminish my ego that I AM THE DOER.”

Or maybe it can be a lesson that I should not get affected by the choices that “people around me” make.Like my copg had a thinking not to help such kids because it will make them dependent.I respect that ..and I too feel like this.But the lines of Saibaba are too deeply absorbed in my soul that I can’t use my brain to think what is right or wrong.

“Anyone who comes to you .. comes to you due to some rinanubandh.. don’t drive them away ..if you can offer some food ..offer it .If you can’t ..don’t shout at them.Just tell them “no” gently.”

My copg had her actions aligned with her thinking ..but I did opposite to what my thoughts were.I felt guilt for that ..but what use of a guilt if it can’t change your future actions.

I did the same.. three times ..and then Baba showed me the same child asking for help .. in a dream last night.There were tears in my eyes , because I could not wipe someone else’s tears.But why did I not?

There are some situations where you don’t even know why you did, what you did? But , as per my experiences taught me , the answer is this..

Not all of us learn a lesson that easily all the time.We may learn some lessons in the first go ..but some lessons need time to be absorbed deeply that they become reflexes.

Though, I believe in saimaa’s beautiful thinking ..but I really can’t be myself until I am on my own.I have seen ..I work best when I am left alone.

Most of us feel pressure under someone’s presence or supervision.Likewise , what others will think and say ..has been a great determiner of my actions ..from the beginning.I can’t just go and be myself in front of people who are new to me and somehow related.I have to build a preface before I can actually show them who I am ..what I think..what I wanna do.

On the first Thursday .. I went to purchase something with one of my copgs and there ..a child came asking for juice ..because we were having cold coffee.

As I moved from my place to order a juice for that kid .. Vinayak my copg told me not to do this ..he said the same thing ..”they will become dependent” I really don’t judge them but my choice can be different.His tone was too controlling and he did not let me offer that kid a glass of juice.Neither could I say “no” to him ..nor could I explain why I wanna do this.

This impression affected my second Thursday’s decision too..though Purnima the copg who was with me the second Thursday, did not sound so dominant , but I could not ask her for money.. to offer that kid some food.

Maybe Sai is teaching me ..how to be firm at my decisions ..and not let people change it.If I give them space to have their own choices ..I will have to let them know ..that I need my space too.They won’t realise it ..and it’s ok ..they are not gonna dream about it ..that I got hurt because of the imposition of their ideas onto me.

I love them all … Sai have always made me practice this part .. from my childhood ..but I could not make myself so firm that I can do things which they don’t want me to.Whenever I tried to ..I hurt people by my words ..so it has been a complicated thing for me.

And day by day this lesson has become a huge one ..but Baba Sai makes it easier by his divine powers..yes a lesson gets tougher if you don’t have a guru like saimaa with you.But with him ..it’s like the same test repeated after sometime ..you even remember the same questions asked earlier.😋

I pray to Sai to make me stronger ..and use my power to stay firm at my decisions ..always .

Sai provides me some lessons .. and I stay blank ..dumbfounded.And then he stops the exam ..comes back with a “basic knowledge” book ..teaches me that ..and then repeats the exam..🤭 yah that happens alot.Now, as I ignored kids three times ..he brought me back to basic knowledge part ..and made me start offering biscuits to the street dogs.. now I know one day ..one kid will come again..asking for food.

Likewise , people tend to talk about people who hurt them ..behind their back ..and I always ended up being silent or being rude about their criticism.

But, this time Sai made me give space to them.”Its their choice darling ..just let them know ..talking “she did bad ..he did bad” won’t change anything.”

And I did the same ..I let my friend know that I can never support him in criticising my other friend as it’s not the solution , if he has got some problem ..he gotta talk in front of that person.This resulted in positive results.He tried to talk less about it.And now, after two weeks ..his perception has shifted completely and he accepts that, he was so wrong about that person.

So , some lessons I get ..some I fail.It’s life and with sai ..no worries no regrets.My mistakes taught me where to be vigilant the next time.

Be patient with yourself ..you are doing great .You are changing yourself.Love yourself.. love your flaws ..your weaknesses ..your fears too.🥰

Forgive yourself .If you are able to do this with your own self ..you will be able to do this with others.

Ultimately , it’s just Baba .. that keeps me human ..who blesses me even when I feel ignored by him.His love never ceases ..never ever.I have commited so many mistakes and I am still doing such things ..repeatedly even after believing in his teachings..but he forgives me so easily and instead of anger ..he lets more of his love to flow within me.

Ohh Sai .. what I am without you! But what I can not be with your flame burning bright within each ounce of my existence.

Sai Sai Sai …may this name be the tune of our heartbeat forever!

Om sai Shri sai jai jai sai❤️