November ..time to decide!!

Sai is always there for you!!

Hey guys .. I hope sai diminishes all your pains and sufferings ! Amen!

There is a season each year when I face similar situations .. last year this time I was confronted by a dilemma ..either to go to one of my closest friend’s wedding or to focus on my studies which according to my mind was not going too well.

Yess and on the top of that I had just got the cast (plaster) of my ankle fracture removed.I decided not to go.

Initially, I was in fear if my friend will feel bad and say something.But, she understood my situation and let the choice rest on me.

Then ,there came the listening to my voice ..to Sai’s voice … What its saying??

Have you tried this , I’m serious. I am not at all kidding ..really ..just sit in silence a few minutes and talk to Sai or yourself ..what will be the consequences of your decisions ..and what you really wanna do.

I have always talked to myself but in the context of “the result” not “the efforts” .

I was always result oriented ..I got sad if I tried my best and couldn’t get what I worked for .I felt angry when I took a decision but it didn’t turn out the way I took action for.

And there was the lacunae ..yess sai made me mend my thinking.This time I started talking to myself …about what my action should be ..

Don’t care about the result ..fu** it man ! Your actions will definitely result into something ..so what .Just limit yourself to the present action ..are you doing it out of fear??? Or love??

I asked myself ? Why don’t I wanna go? ..because I was fearful of enjoying when I was told by the world that enjoyment is anti success!! Literally my thinking became ..struggle equals to success.

Why so dear?? Why can’t I enjoy my life as it comes .. why can’t I enjoy studying ..why can’t I enjoy waking with heavy eyelids ..why can’t I enjoy my friends wedding in mid of my preparation.

My brother always said “Sangeeta don’t focus on the quantity ..but quality.You can study with happy mind in 2 hours ..what you can’t with a heavy mind in a whole day.” And it’s true ..I felt so.

So, I asked myself ? What if I don’t go to the wedding ? will I study here really? Or my mind will be wandering in her wedding ?? Is she not worth it .. is she not my best friend ..don’t I want to be involved in her happiness.. yes I do.

And I got my answer.. I went and I enjoyed whole three days ..and I did not regret anything as my studies got better later on.

If you are stuck in a dilemma …just decide …your mind will be calmer and if you can’t accept what you chose ..revise your decision! Maybe it was a decision took under the influence of a conditioned mind.

I am not saying ..just throw your books and enjoy your life😅 hehe ..you can enjoy your studies way more beautifully when you take a small break from your mundane routine.

And now it’s November again ..and it’s another best friend’s wedding ..so what should I do??

Sai will handle ..right??

I chose to go ..but I got negative response from my copgs ..they were not so enthusiastic with me going for a leave.And I gave up .I thought maybe Sai doesn’t want me to go .Though I was upset .. but it’s ok ..whatever he wishes is awesome for me.

As long as I expected my copgs to understand and let me go ..as long as I expected sai to turn the situation ..I got hurt.Maybe I was working under fear as I was expecting things to happen without trying myself.I was not daring to call the HOD sir to ask for leave because I heard it from people that it’s not nice to ask for leave .. as a resident I should not enjoy and I should not live my personal life.

And I was upset yesterday ..the whole day ..why it’s not happening now ? When I wanna go for love..

Last night I got a message “When its too hard to walk ..continue walking because it’s where the road gets smoother!!”

I understand others ..but it’s my choice to take their fear onto me or not! We all are different ..we all are living different lives ..so why to compare !

If they do ..it’s their choice I have no right to comment on that ..as a human being I can see their faults ..whereas I forget their sweet acts done as a guide as sai to me … 😊 still my heart knows they must have gone through some pain that they talk about their times each time we do something that shows we are enjoying our life.

I hope I can be a senior who wants a better environment for my juniors ..who doesn’t compare her struggles to her junior’s ..who doesn’t get envy with what advantages they get.. I hope my fear, my envy, my insecurities be burnt in Sai’s dhuni! Say Amen Sai😇

Atlast sai gave me the inspiration..the strength to try … and I tried ..I called sir and he granted me leave.

I hope my copgs can adjust my duties .. I really really wish they get strength from Baba to handle all the work .

And I know sai is within them too so it’s gonna be ok !

I hope you get the courage to do what needs to be done without thinking of the results …

So, I’m going to her wedding and I’m going to meet my mom too.❤️

audios and goodnight🤗

Take care sweet souls !!

Om Sairam

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