The earliest days.. I can recall from my childhood are the ones when my parents enrolled me in Saibaba public School.
Yes it was my first school.
May be my principal was a devotee..I was too young to know anything about it.
We all had a badge with Saibaba’s picture on it.
I used to wear that on my uniform shirt but I didn’t know him.(I still don’t😅)
My parents were not much into Saints but because they had never came across one.
There wasn’t any one particular deity or Lord whom we used to worship at home.
I saw there were pictures of all the local deities and we sang all the aartis ..for Ganesh ji ..or Durga maa ..or hanuman ji.
I had affection towards Jesus christ too so I used to go to the church once a year at christmas.
My family never bounded me ever from keeping faith in anyone..any form of God .
NEWLY FOUND SAIBABA
The coaching year was a strange time ..full of weird stuff and
… amidst that chaos Saibaba found his way into my life.
There was a friend of mine who used to keep thursday’s Saibaba fast and she would always forget and eat something.
So,she asked me if I can accompany her in “fasting”.
I don’t know why I said yes ..the greatest blessing that “yes” became.
I never had kept any kind of fast before but I told her “I will fast with her and will keep a watch on her to avoid breaking her fast.”
I have noticed from my childhood that God listens to me immediately.
I didn’t talk to anyone about this.
And my mind thought that maybe it happens with everyone.
My friend had this “Sai vrat katha” book and I would read its stories with her and worshipped Baba Sai in form of a picture.
Once, I was reading the book alone and my mind was wondering if “Saibaba” really listens to people..
“Is he real?”
“Are these stories real..does he actually help people like this ?”
And the ashes from joystick (agarbatti) fell on the book as if it was the positive answer to my question .
I looked at the picture for long..he seemed familiar.
Why won’t he ..I have seen him every single day in my early days.
And my mind always tossed away the magical fantasies I used to have in childhood about God.
That year..I witnessed some horrible incidents ..made some terrible mistakes .. and I found myself praying to the newly found “Saibaba” to pull me out of this “gloomy phase”.
My mind did not allow me to believe those fantasies of he being real but my heart was too tired to not give it a chance.
My coaching was sinking because of lack of funds and all the teachers left..
and I was trying to indulge in every kind of stuff that I can to avoid seeing the reality of failing in an exam.. first time in my life.
This was the phase where Baba stood by me like a best friend ..and much more.
He not only pulled me out but held my hand when everyone of my loved ones showed their disappointment in me.
Sooner or later you come to know that people salute only the rising sun.
And that proved to be a blessing for me as I found myself drifted closer to Saibaba..clutching to his kafni scared of the world ..scared of myself.
I did not know when my tears became one with my prayers “Sai I want to do my best ..please make it over soon”
I poured my heart out to him ..as I couldn’t explain anything to anyone else.
He made me pass that dark phase by pouring his blissful love on to me.
I lost my faith in everyone ..in myself.
But he brought me back to life.
His love was so soothing ..it relaxed my troubled mind.
He gave me hope that it will be alright.
He never said this in words but his eyes somehow telepathised this everytime I asked for an answer.
The one Sai who became my mother ..my brother ..my friend ..even my lover to support me always..
Like someone just came in your life… holds your hand for ..forever.. promising that he will never leave ..nothing can move him away from you..
no failure ..no mistake ..nothing.
I was on cloud nine.
I asked and he fulfilled.
“Baba I want to get one more year “.. tathastu..
“Baba I want that boy to accept me” …tathastu
“Baba I want my mom not to be angry with me “..tathastu
“Baba I want to study seriously ..please be it” ..tathastu
Like he is some magical Godmother who just knew one thing to say ..”As you wish darling” (tathastu) 😇
I fell in love with Baba Sai…the beautiful lovely saint ..
I still don’t know why I love him ..for my wishes to come true or because he made me fearless ..or maybe because I can’t ever know why??
But I am sure the divine romance of my life ..I used to hear about ..happened with him❤
Sai is love
He has become more than just a boon giver to me now ..not just a miracle making ..wish fulfilling saint.. he is beyond my speculations of him.
And there are days I feel his love with much more intensity than before ..
this love keeps flowing ..bursting out my heart as it feels weak to hold it in ..and it flows through my words..
I feel like I keep telling the world “I love him” (like they do in movies😍)
How much he loves his people..he just runs to hold them in his arms when they are falling senseless ..
and instead of letting them fall he let them fall in his love…
and his neverending pure undemanding love intoxicates them more day by day.
I have never known him earlier but it feels like he was always there ..
always and forever for me.
He trusted me when I couldn’t myself..
he tucked me in when I was too afraid to sleep alone ..
he held me straight when my reality was falling apart …
he told me “everything is gonna be ok” maybe a million times ..
brought my dying heart back to love ..
back to him.
Destiny and Sai
I always feel like I have some terrible fate ..but he mends it into a beautiful one.
Its like everytime fate comes to capture me ..Sai just appears and warn it to let me be unharmed .. he tells fate ..”leave her ..she will turn out to be an angel ..I trust her ..she will correct her mistakes ..she is such a sweet child ..how can I let her be in pain.” 😢
He trusts me soo much even when I hurt him so many times by my stupidities.
He doesn’t even tie me with him ..and keeps his door always open to leave or to come back ..I left so many times ..but he always keeps a warm home for me to return when my soul needs to rest in his loving arms.
And his beautiful radiant figure keeps me enthralled in both my sleep and awake state.
He is amazing..
When you love him ..this one word becomes an enchanting spell “SAI” …the velvety sound of this word…
Sai ..Sai …Sai …Sai …Sai
I heard this song and found it fascinating .. Tu pyar ka sagar hai
We will meet again with some more “love with Sai”.
Adios and see you😇