Hey friends .. I have been silent since many days maybe a month . Duties were quite alright but I’m having some ups and downs in the deep recesses of my mind. It feels like my concepts ,my beliefs are being destroyed .I can’t tell you exactly what I am going through. But I find myself lost somewhere nowadays. I am working somewhere and I’m mentally lost somewhere else. There is no problem as such except the work .This work and scoldings of seniors were always there .So it’s not a big deal. But, I feel I’m in deep thought or somewhere else all the time.

I forget things .. and I do mistakes . Mistakes are always a part of our work but the frequency increased or I don’t know . I can’t pinpoint the reason or the thing taking place inside me. I can’t even tell if something is taking place or it’s just my imagination.

I feel angry , deeply in love , frustrated , romantic all at the same time 🤭 ..so see for yourself how confusing this feels.

Well , you will understand more as now we will talk about what the title is.

My worst and the best teacher

Let me tell you about one of my favourite teacher Pawan Suthar sir. I haven’t talked about him to many. He was our chemistry teacher in 11th class. He was new in our school, got posted there when we made our decisions to choose Science as our field after 10th results. He was in 30s and looked younger than his age .. always carried a smile on his face. Never got too angry on any student . He did his job fine . I was among the toppers , so I thought , I had a good impression over him . My benchmate was Anamika , my then best friend and topper of the class.

After almost a month , I noticed Suthar sir was having cold war with me. I noticed , how he used to comment and scold me indirectly . It was like I was targeted to be insulted by him in anyway he can .

Initially I ignored it , why would a teacher target me ..what in the hell I had done . My image was so bright . I had done nothing wrong , then why would this happen . But, this went on and on.

My downfall ..(for good)

I found out my marks in my first unit test for chemistry were just 50%. I was devastated .😓 How a topper landed with such a fate.

Well , I cried as usually and remembered all the things I did to make my Saraswati maa (Goddess of wisdom and knowledge) angry 😅 as I venerated maa that time alot and believed that anyone or anything can leave me but my study ..my knowledge won’t ever as maa’s blessings are with me always . I couldn’t find any valid reason behind my degradation . So , I couldn’t stop my tears in class. I was continuously crying when Suthar sir  called me .

“Yes sir .” I tired to hide my tears.

“What happen ? Marks are not good ? Feeling sad huhh!”

He took my silence as yes and continued in a low and calm voice, strangely the older passive anger was not there today  ..

The lesson !

“You know dear , making fun of your teachers is not good ! We do it for fun and find ourselves in deep pit later on .”

I looked towards him in wonder as I couldn’t grasp the meaning of what he said ..making fun of teachers?? ..why is he telling me this ..did I make fun of some teacher ?? No . Then ??

“I think you remember when you were laughing with Anamika on me that day . And many other days when you made fun of your other teachers . We are here to help you dear. It’s so hard to face so many students with confidence and give what we have accumulated over years  in a hope that you will carry what we taught . But along with the academics , we learnt certain values , didn’t we ? You belong to a good family. I’m sure your parents never taught you to laugh at someone. Your acts determine your future . If you laugh at someone , you have to cry too .  ” 

My eyes were wide open .. my mind was going to flashbacks and I was calculating his possibility of knowing all this ..” how does he know ? And I was not demeaning him . He misunderstood me. Oh lord ,why did this happen . Shit man!”

“Maybe it was not for disrespecting me. As I could not find a thing wrong with your behaviour . But , that act really hurt me . And your tears too. As I am your teacher , it’s my job,it’s my responsibility to improve your marks . How come I’m here doing my best and you are not securing good marks . It means not just you .. I did not do my best too. So , let us forget and forgive and start from the start. I promise I will do my best to improve this and I promise you will secure good marks in next exam . And I believe you will do what you have to . You have learnt from this . Right ! ” 

I was speechless but I said “yes” and he gestured ” sit “.

Story doesn’t end here .😅

I am a terrible person ..terrible in the way that if someone tells me I’m wrong and I need to improve and says I have done something wrong . Dude I take it seriously ! Damn seriously .

So ,what did I do . Cry more and tell God that I am a good person , she knows that (Saraswati maa) and that Suthar sir is in delusion that he took a laughter so much seriously . I never meant to disrespect him.

I had a habit to make my friends laugh by making fun of teachers . But it will get so grave serious , I didn’t know !

The change of heart

I was angry and I did not like him . But , I could loose my anger for my studies . So , when my friends started to have classes from Suthar sir ..I joined too ..forgetting my ego .

Who the hell he thinks he is ! He promised that I will get good marks so I will get good marks , my hard work doesn’t count at all ..am I securing good marks till now coz of his sympathy?

These were the thoughts for him initially after that incident .And he was the worst teacher I had in my view then.

Though my heart knew the truth and it feared that it was true , that I was wrong. We fear that our good image will be destroyed and then what .. then nothing will be alright . We will die or more worse than that will happen .isn’t it ?

I joined his tution . And I studied . His way of teaching and creating interest in studies was really good . I could understand as well as like chemistry unlike before.

The next term came and I secured 39/40 . One mark was deducted because I did not know one answer . While Anamika was there to tell me that but I decided not to cheat .

My harsh feelings for him changed that day when I saw the happiness in his eyes .. and the way he showed his passive anger .. he praised me in the class ..indirectly .. his words were “I told na ..your hard work and good behaviour will pay off soon. So it did.”

I was amazed , how in the end  he transferred the credit to “my hard work” while he could have said “See my hard work..my teachings paid off.”

And these words changed me . My worst ever teacher became my best ever teacher .🤗

Wherever he is ,  may he stay happy !

Sometimes, I remember him and wonder how he is ,where he is. I pray for his well being . What he taught me was incredible .

Still I forget this . And do the same mistakes again .

Though teachers at school were far more kind but here too they are not so bad . But, criticising them or making fun of theirs is not good on my part . At least I should respect the words of my favourite teacher .I should respect the hard work he did to improvise my behaviour.

I pray to Sai that I can find the lessons in my scoldings and treat my teachers as my own .

I pray to Sai that every student can see their teacher in their guru’s light . Saibaba’s light . As we know , if something happened in our life , it’s always with Sai’s permission .Then how come it be bad for us . Let us see the divine purpose behind each pain we have .😇

Take time and send well wishes to your teachers , your guru on guru Purnima on 24th July .

I will remember Pawan Suthar sir and pray for him .. as well as make a new move towards my present situation .. will respect my present teachers .

😇 Om Sairam ❤️

Edited later :

The dream

I had a dream last month where Pawan Suthar sir was guiding me on a road ..he was taking me with him and I was happy that I had his guidance . I couldn’t understand the meaning of this dream until now ! Yes , sometimes writing brings out the deep meanings behind a dream or a message that had been hidden . Thanks alot dear readers. Without you I would not have done this.  😍🤗