…continued from last post 👉 Let us meditate , let us love Sai (please read it first ,if you haven’t , to enjoy this post)
“He will open his eyes and something will make me die at once ! Ohh lord I won’t be able to look into your blazing eyes !!”
Though his eyes were still closed ..but your heart is scared ..scared of unknown deep thing called “love” .
“I am going crazy for sure!” you declared to yourself , forgetting that there is someone else besides you.
“Ohh , well now you know.” 🤭 the sweet voice of your beloved was heard again .
“Am I the only one hearing this voice? ”
“Is this real ?”
“Ohh lord , I must be sleeping and this is just a dream ” 😰🥴
A thousand thoughts were roaming like clouds in the sky of your mind making you anxious.
“Does it even matter?” the sweet voice of your saaiyan made those clouds disappear.
“Do you love me lesser in dreams ?”
“Ohh Sai , don’t ask such question that my soul just tears away in searching an answer for it!”
“Then focus where you are , come to me dear .. climb the next step.”
The dhuni fire was making a kind of noise , like giving a background sound to your climax scene .
“What should I leave next Sai ?”
You saw beneath your feet started a red carpet thing ..and you remembered those red carpets where celebrities went to receive awards .
“Yes , it’s none lesser than an award !” You said to yourself .
“You know sai , even if it’s a dream , I am so happy … You are here and I’m so close to you .. my wish from so many births is coming true !”
“Have I ever discarded you child , I was always close to you ! ”
“Sai , I know you were close .. but sometimes I still felt alone !”
You recalled the time .. when you were new and you missed your old school.. you felt the twinge of those tears deep in your heart . Though years passed , you could still feel that deep pain of being alone . 🥺
Just when you thought your recall time is over , your memory extended and a face appeared on the screen …”Hi, I’m malvika , why don’t you be my friend ?”
Your pain started to melt away … “Ohh yes yes , I found a new friend there.” How she came daily during lunchtime and asked you to come with her ? Remember ?”
You kept saying “no” to her , and she did not get tire of her efforts to make you smile .
“I brought a chocolate for you .”
“Ohh lord !” It was a deep realisation , your eyes spread out … “She was none other than you!” 😳
Just then your eyes could see the truth behind those faces ..those souls …
And you could remember some words “We all belong to each other , we are never alone ! I am always with you whether you can recognise me or not dear .”
“Ohh , yah I remember I was so scared last week and how my best friend knocked at my door !”
“And he made your heart lighter”
“And when he went away … You said.. ”
“I said ..Thankyou Sai! ..ohh goodness it was you again. “🥰
Your eyes rose again to find Sai sitting there and suddenly you saw your friends in place of him ! ..one time it was your childhood friend ..next time the recent friend ..and still next moment it was your mother .. the next ..your sister ..and his form changed so many forms !! So many relations!
“Now tell me.. have I ever left you alone?”
Your mind was still trying to find the moment when you were truly alone , what you saw next made you awestruck 😳 … There was no sai near dhuni now.. there was the mirror image of you ..it was you !!
“You are making me crazy sai ! I can’t be you !”
“Why? Because you are not good .. and I’m a hero to you !”
“Yes ..and please change back na ! I find it strange talking to a mirror like this.” 😅
“Its ok … forget it all , come closer dear.”
You put your feet on to the next step , you found your shocks glued to something sticky there ..
“What the heck !” You tried to remove it , in an effort your sock was torn.. “Ohh Sai what is it now !” 😒
And not waiting for his answer ..you answered yourself “It’s ok darling , it must be some false belief that is torn away !” 😘
“Ohh wow , I talked like you ! And how did I know , what you were going to answer .”
And it was like you yourself proved your doubtful thoughts wrong. And found out that …
“You have Sai within you , you are Sai too!”
How beautiful these realisations were …how tremendously they affect you !
“Ohh Sai you are making me insane , what I am doing I don’t know ..”
“All I know is I want to see you .. and I don’t want you to see me ..I’m scared that if my only most amazing wish comes true ..what else I will live for ! On the other had .. I’m also scared that if this wish won’t ever come true ..what if I will open my eyes and find out that this whole thing was a dream ..how broken I will feel. Ohh Sai these thoughts scare me ! “
“When you believe everything is within you darling! You don’t have to fear! “
“Now what an answer to my query ! Did it answer my scary thoughts at all? “😒
It did ! Wow every moment is like a huge wave of something soo good passing through you.
You don’t know anything but you don’t wanna know for the first time in your life !
Your feet touched the surface of dwarkamai ..the holy , dwarkamai.. every inch of it was traced by Sai’s holy feet ..ohh his feet .. and you reflexively sat there , kissed it dropping some tears there . The differences between him and you, were torn away with your socks.
Now it was a straight path to Sai .. a few more steps ..no more stairs .. a few more steps to Sai ! What if I will dissolve away in him .. ohh nothing will be left then ..Sai maa how will I feel this love for you .. I don’t want it to end ever !!
You did not find that voice answering your thoughts ..”why now sai ..why are you silent this time?”
Sai doesn’t answer all your questions .. and it’s the amazing thing .. it drives you crazy and you keep waiting ..loving him more .. finding the signs to do what you want to do .. he guides you always but it’s good that some questions are always left unanswered.
Thank you Sai !!
For I was left alone , I could appreciate your presence !
I was never the same Saimaa !
Don’t mind my complaints baba.
I know how my tears cleansed away the barriers my eyes have built for themselves .Each pain I had, changed me from within ..brought me closer to you ..brought me here!
Sai ohh sai ! I don’t know what to say anymore ..let these eyes become still with your figure in them ..let this body be burnt in the fire of your dhuni..let this child of yours become nothing sai ..nothing like the sand beneath your feet when you trace streets of this Shirdi. Let me vanish away in you sai ….❤️
Words were falling short and your eyes no more could see sai clearly. There were chills and thrills within your body . You were forwarding steps towards sai ..yes your Sai .. you were feeling soooo much and nothing at all at the same time . The scary thoughts , the doubts , the inferiority you felt ..nothing and no one could stop you now.
The next moment you were next to Sai !.. just a few inches away ..something made you stop and sit in front of him. Your eyes find their way to his feet …that were glowing like gold now ! How beautiful …Saimaa I never thought I would ever touch them !! Your eyes were fixed ..while your hands reached his feet …”ohh Sai let me…”
And the moment you touched his feet …some turbulent waves passed through you. You lost your wit , your thoughts. Everything stopped for a second. Your head bent on his feet …like you tasted heaven ..ohh god , your breath was fast , your heart was pounding .. but you felt nothing of that world around you .. just too much of Sai.
“You want to stay here?” Finally your hero ..your guru ..your beloved ..your Shirdi Sai ..your Baba ..your brother …the same sai who is everyone to you opens his eyes !
“I can’t look towards you Sai ..I just want to bury in your feet.”
He touched your chin and tilted it upwards ..towards his face as if trying to see the face of his shy child !
“Whom do you fear darling ? Me ?”
You couldn’t speak anything at all ..how could you ! looking at that divine face ..you recalled those words from satcharitra “His face glows like he is not some simple human ..he is divine .. he is God incarnate!”
“How true they were!”
His eyes ..so filled with tears ..like competing with your eyes 😭
“Why are you teary eyed Baba! Don’t be! I can’t tell you Sai what I am feeling..rightnow.”
You began to talk like sai himself ..through inside.
You were not moving your lips but you knew he was listening ..He smiled in response..”What you feel is called “love” my darling.”
To be continued …
Sai is with us always ❤️
Let us get mad in his love … desiring more of him ..day by day !
Will meet again in next post.
Om Sairam ❤️🥰